when my heart is over whelmed he will lead me to a rock that is higher than I.

You ever pray you didn't have the "good qualities" that you have?
Due to the fact that they seem to be the cause of your pain.
They make you vulnerable and appear weak.
I have prayed that before.

Wanting to be cold instead of caring, be selfish instead of selfless.
Living to please me and get only for me.
It seems the people who live like that live a happy life.
They are pleased, they got what they want, others don't get close enough to hurt them but they are close enough to please them.

You know God answers prayers right, well the answer to mine was....Nah Bruh...this is all you.

I pray that I may now be able to better aim my "good qualities" that they may hit the targets laid out, and that my accuracy increase. Though the targets may not always be there I pray that I don't get use to firing at them and feel a miss when then hit the ground.

so where am I

These last few post were written far away from my home computer and deal with both past and present situations. New revalations and points that make me ponder....
I am a man of words......
Expression is the way I learn...i gotta get it out to take more in
You see sweet words and that they are......I am a poet at heart some things are blown up others dulled down.....cant make it that easy......some of it is what it is other stuff not so much.......
Sorrow sneaks in as the young teen girls march in..in over sized shoes for their night in with men who are..........men............
a different world here.......yet not quite..........
I bet if someone put u in a country by yourself just for 3 day where they really didnt speak ya language and their way of life left field of yours........i bet u would begin to appreiate all that you have become so comfortable in......
My waitress beautiful......her biggest dream.....in ten years to be able to have a car and license................smart and educated....speaks english well and with such energy........hard worker.....honest spirit....
I wish I could do something.......something to.....idk....make things better for her......and all the others whose biggest dream is to simple one day own a car......yes great goal and its awesome to want a simple life.....but there is so much more out there.....so much more in her...than just a server........i am fortunate i know.....i am rich to many......
so if my words seem a bit soppy and Gody lets switch places and then u will see....
i am thankful to God for His presence in my life and upon this earth and all the ppl that add to my life I love yall all the more......
expect a bit more affection.....
a couple extra hugs and hand shakes......
a few more dinner parties.......
longer hours of listening to your hearts desires and pains......
life is short and unexpected....
to all those who read this know i love you....and to those who wont love you too....
PS special shout out.....much ink is used on account of u......

S&W analysis

My weakness seems to also be my strength. I love the broken hearted and marginalized and they love that i love them. The broken hearted love with brokeness and the shards of their heart cut me deep. I love the broken hearted and that is my strength...but it often leaves them whole and me on the "cross" with holes in me. I am no victim nor savior, just a fool for loving hard and free. I fear that my love wont make you want to stay....beacsue all the others have left.......
leave if you must......your filling a space you were never ment to keep......
Peace.

Morning sunrise

The glory of the Lord rises just beyond the mountain tops and the light of the sun shines for all to see.
When i left the country of all my problems I come to find they are with me in the new one.
Written behind my eyes so they replay often.
What relief is there in sight?
That glory that peaks over the mountain and the light of the"sun".
Though my worries may follow and playback in my mind...God resides always in my heart.
If i could just be still and listen.
Receive that "piece"he so freely offers, pick the fruit of the spirit that will give strength to my inner man making me even stronger and able to stand and fight....
fight against the shallow desires of the flesh, the spiritual battles unseen, and the blind sight of here and now..........

Car thoughts

I dont want to neglect or abuse the possiblity of what can be nor do i want to kill it by trying to over water it or by over protecting it........

Thus working on personal development is vital for growing potential into reality and furthermore, maintaing that new "reality" whatever that may be.

Focus on which factor?
The goose that lays golden eggs........The golden egg.......or the one who cares for the goose...........
One must first learn to properly care for the goose and its eggs. None is more important than the other...but there is an order on this plane.

Quote!

"What you are shouts so loudly in my ears i cannot hear what you say."

How true is this...What do you hear me saying behind my words? Are you brave enough to ask those you know that question?

Air plane revalation

God never asks us to be something He is not. God wants us to be loving, forgiving, hospitable, accepting, caring, faithful, confident, and righteous. Even in rolls as people God does not say "woman be mother thogh I am not", nor does he say "man be father though I am not." God knows family and relationship because that is what he is....a family of three in perfect relationship with one another....lacking......nothing.