A dream A seed A revelation

I sinned. I chose pleasure over conviction. There was a season of purity, denying the flesh of sexual pleasures not simply out of duty but because I agreed with the Father's wisdom. It had been years since I stumbled in that area and I wanted to stay on track, to follow the Lord in purity but I stumbled. I had sinned before, I had sinned in other ways throughout that time but this, this seemed to really hurt. I grieved as if I lost a loved one, as if I cheated on my love. I wept bitterly like never before. I finally went to bed, fell asleep and had a dream.

            I dreamt that I was in a bathtub filled with water and then a strong hand appeared and cracked a seed. From the seed came a few drops of blood and the dream ended. I woke up with great comfort. There is a scripture that says unless a seed goes into the ground and dies it remains only one seed, but if it dies it will bear much fruit. A seed died so that I may bear fruit. This dream and encounter happened almost four years ago and tonight I remembered it. As I drove about I thought where is the fruit? What has that seed produced in me? Then I asked a one off question: what am I fighting for? A question that I had been asking for a while, and the answer; life! A seed dies to produce life. I am still alive, I have a witness of grace and mercy I have a revelation that compels me to be a witness, a witness to life. I am fighting for life, life in me, life in my community, life in the world. Soil may cover me and darkness surrounds me but life, life is still in me, so I fight. I have first been washed in the death of a seed and from me must and will come life. That seed is a good seed and the life that it produces is a good life, and that life will bear good fruit.

A dream, A seed, A revelation A life.  

Blessing Zimmerman????????

Like most of the country I am broken hearted over our justice system. I can not understand, I can not phatom how this happened, yet I am not totally surprised. I hesitate to write this because I do not want to join the mob of voices screaming and yelling, but I write anyway to simply offer a few things that are stirring in my heart.

I am a christian, I believe in Jesus Christ. He has changed my life, spoken to me, acted on my behalf, teaches me, walks with me and the list goes on. I am one of those people. As I drove to a pizza shop this evening I began to think what would it look like for me to bless Zimmerman and not curse him? HOw can I take seriously the words of Christ in this situation? How can I do that and not validate what Zimmerman did or cast aside my conviction that he is totally guilty and that justice was not served? Can I bless him in the face of what I see as his obvious guilt? For those who are followers of Christ is this not what he is asking of us? To not join the many loud voices that are shouting and cursing but to bless Zimmerman and pray for him. Have we forgotten that the one who has written the majority of the new testament was a zealot who had many young men killed simply for following Christ. This man who handed people over to death was then met by God and transformed into one who spent his life and lost it on the road to setting others free, healing the sick, freeing the oppressed and even raising a boy from the dead. Did that justify all the wrong that Paul did? Absolutly not!!!!! Yet the power of a loving God was put on display through such a broken life to show the world that he wants to deliver both victim and oppressor.  

So as a wrestle with what it looks like to bless Zimmerman, I call out to all those who follow the Lord to ask him how can we bless Zimmereman, how can we pray for him as the Lord instructs us to do for those who are our enemies. How does Jesus expect us to bless a man who is guilty, I do not know but I do know that is what we are called to. 

Let me be clear, I am not saying that as Christians we do not fight for civil rights and the injustice of the people around us, we absolutely must! BUT, not at the cost of forgetting that Christ desires that all men know him, and that it is Gods loving kindness that draws us to repentance not a heavy hand of judgement and accusation. The system of the world is what angers me, and I am reminded who and what I am fighting against; "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places!" In order to battle those forces our eyes must not be filled with the darkness of hatred and the blind rage that can so easily get stirred up within us toward men when we see such injustice take place. We have to be clothed in truth, in love, in patience, we must follow Christ into the dark places and move as he moves, exposing the real enemy and delivering the victims of its oppression. The scripture I quoted above is From Ephesians 6:12, verse 11 says:

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

Then continues starting at verse 13 declaring:

 Therefore,take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evilday, and having done everything, to stand firm.14Stand firmtherefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUTON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS,15and having shod YOUR FEETWITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE;16in addition to all,taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all theflaming arrows of the evil one. 17And take THE HELMET OFSALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

LikeI said, I do not know how all this plays out, but I do know that I must beginby asking the Lord how in the world do I bless Zimmerman, how can I see pastthis one man and see my true enemy and stand firm then in my fight to tear downstrong holds and see justice enter our world here and now. I challenge allfollowers of Christ to bless and not curse to enter into the heart of God andsee him as a man who is subjected to the wickedness of this world and thatthere is a God who seeks to deliver him. That same God seeks to comfort theMartin family, and it is my deepest prayer that they are able in time toforgive Zimmerman and even bless him as Christ did for those who were literallykilling him yet he prayed Father forgive them for they know not what they do.The ways of God are too lofty for me to attain by reaching and grasping but infollowing Christ I hope to be transformed into one who can do what I see theFather doing. 

Peru and a few unexpected words.....

It happened so suddenly, so unexpectedly. Unbeknownst to me my heart spoke before my brain had a chance to approve of the content that flowed so naturally from my lips. "I love you." I tried my best to over ride what was coming out but the best I could do was lower my head and mumble out the last word. Whats funny is I'm not sure if those words were herd......

Do you remember being in elementary school, raising your hand and instead of saying Mr or Mrs whomever you said mom or dad? I do. How embarrassing!

That is something of what I did and felt as I prepared to leave that Lima bus station. Alex (traveling partner/friend) and I met a few people during our short time in Lima at Hostel 1900, Mauro, Amanda, and Russell. We shared a few meals, walked about the city, danced a bit at a club, shared a few drinks, and a couple cab rides. We had only know Mauro for about 2 1/2 days, Amanda for 2 and Russell 1/2 a day, yet it felt like we were friends, actual friends that I was invested in, friends whose well being I cared about. To me it was all so surreal. I couldn't understand why, I had no explanation for the connection I felt with these strangers.

Though our time was short it was rich. We all listened to one another, looked out for each other, shared meals together, and wished the best for one another. As a person who can be very suspicious and guarded this is no small thing. I can only point to one individual in my life who upon meeting felt an instant attachment and love for, and it was so out of the blue, so intense that I became afraid and I began praying and asking God if this was ok, and why was I thinking of and praying for this guy so much, and the Lord's reply was that there was purpose to our meeting, that the love I was feeling was God's love for him.  I was calmed knowing that our friendship was setup and blessed by God. Now all of this occurred between christian people within the context of church community. But this time, I was in Peru, and these people total strangers. How could I boldly tell them that I loved them? I didn't know if they were believers, if so they still might find me a bit strange. Loving people who are not christians is not the issue at all but openly expressing said love to people you don't know very well is.

I know what I felt was good and pure, it had the finger prints of the Lord all over it, but it caught me totally off guard. Unless you have experienced this in some way you may think I am some lonely sappy nut job, and all of those things I may be lol but those last hours we spent together were precious to me. What I experienced came from a simple innocent place within that I am not as familiar with as I would like to be.

A few weeks prior to my vacation, while I was still in the US, I stood in my church lobby one Sunday and watched two kids outside playing and said to my friend standing next to me; "man, I remember that feeling of being a kid, meeting another kid in the sand box or on the jungle gym and they in an instant become your best friend. You would follow each other around and be totally caught up in playing with your new friend. On the ride home you would talk about your time with your new friend and pester your parents asking about when you will be able to see them again." I sighed deeply and said "man I could use more of that simplicity, that purity in my life" and then walk into the sanctuary. Many weeks later it seems the Lord answered that prayer.

When Alex and I boarded the bus I was sad to leave them. I wanted to hop off the bus and change our plans, go where they were going just so I could spend more time hanging out. While on the bus I quietly sat there trying to put my feelings and thoughts in check when an attendant came on board asking for Bryan Brown. I said yes thats me and he told me to follow him. I wasn't sure what was going on, I became nervous that a bottle of wine in my bag broke or that something was wrong with  my ticket. When I exited the bus I realized nothing was wrong, it was Mauro, Amanda, and Russell returning my iphone charger. I was so excited, all those thoughts and feelings I was trying to box up came flooding out into four words; I love you guys. In the moment I felt foolish and emotional, but I realize now that those conversations, meals, drinks, and moments of celebration were sacred times and I love you was appropriate.

 I pray blessings over you three, may the Lord show you how deeply he loves you, how closely he listens to you, and how eager he is to give you good gifts. May you be lavished in the love of God, and become more and more aware of his presence. He sees, He Hears, He responds, He knows, and He cares, oh how he cares for you. Peace.

Love you!

From left to right: Alex, Amanda, Me, Mauro

Russell, Mauro, Amanda

I need thee every hour

A song written by Annie S. Hawks, a woman I have most recently learned authored this song, has been a favorite of mine from the moment I first herd it. I need thee, Oh, I need thee, every hour I need thee, oh bless me now my savior I come to thee. ( the chorus added later by Robert Wadsworth Lowry)

As I hummed this hymn while washing my face before bed, something struck me; there is an err in this. I often find myself declaring my need, my need for thee, and how little do I speak of my provision, my portion and prize. As a son it would be better to say, I have thee oh I have thee, you've blessed me now my savior, you abide in me. 

This idea struct me enough to write, to pen my thoughts on the matter. The plea in this song is not a bad one, it does not show a lack of faith or maturity, it is a very good plea, a God initiated longing, yet it felt incomplete.

I find myself constantly aware of my need for God, many people of many faiths share this same longing, but my claim as a believer is that not only do I need God, but that I have Him. I do not have him as an idol on a shelf or a statue to be dusted but as a friend and father, mother and brother. How tragic then is it to be far more aware of my need for God rather than knowing the reality that he is with me.

Its amazingly sobering to consider that I may have prophetic dreams, give people accurate "words" pray and intercede with passion and yet not walk with God in a way that says I have thee. Those things do not bring security of heart, for me they are fun. I enjoy prayer, I love encouraging others, sensing the love of God for another and speaking what I sense, see, hear, feel, smell or even taste (haven't experienced taste yet) is awesome, yet unfulfilling, because I find myself yet again aware of my great need. This is due to the fact that in the midst of these things and especially after I have not fully grasped that I have been grasped by and have grasped onto the lover of my soul. I long to walk with greater confident assurance in the one who walks with me, and whom I walk with.

I will know thee better day by day,
My eyes are open, then may I seen you
My ears are clear that I may hear you
Waking or sleeping
Happy or sad 
You are my constant and have been here all along.

How awe inspiring are the words of the author of the song, how gracious and simple. To be captured by a tune, a thought, a melody from heaven, accompanied by the presence of the King.

Annie Hawks wrote:

One day as a young wife and mo­ther of 37 years of age, I was bu­sy with my reg­u­lar house­hold tasks. Sud­den­ly, I be­came so filled with the sense of near­ness to the Mast­er that, won­der­ing how one could live with­out Him, ei­ther in joy or pain, these words, “I Need Thee Ev­e­ry Hour,” were ush­ered in­to my mind, the thought at once tak­ing full pos­sess­ion of me.

After writ­ing the lyr­ics, Hawks gave them to her pas­tor, Ro­bert Low­ry, who add­ed the tune and re­frain. The hymn was first pub­lished at the Na­tion­al Bap­tist Sun­day School Con­ven­tion in Cin­cin­na­ti, Ohio, in No­vem­ber 1872. Some years lat­er, af­ter the death of her hus­band, Hawks wrote:

I did not un­der­stand at first why this hymn had touched the great throb­bing heart of hu­man­i­ty. It was not un­til long af­ter, when the sha­dow fell over my way, the sha­dow of a great loss, that I un­der­stood some­thing of the com­fort­ing pow­er in the words which I had been per­mit­ted to give out to others in my hour of sweet se­ren­i­ty and peace.

---

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

Refrain

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

Refrain

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

Refrain

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

Refrain

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessèd Son.

Refrain

http://cyberhymnal.org/htm/i/n/ineedteh.htm