I sinned. I chose pleasure over conviction. There was a
season of purity, denying the flesh of sexual pleasures not simply out of duty
but because I agreed with the Father's wisdom. It had been years since I
stumbled in that area and I wanted to stay on track, to follow the Lord in
purity but I stumbled. I had sinned before, I had sinned in other ways
throughout that time but this, this seemed to really hurt. I grieved as if I
lost a loved one, as if I cheated on my love. I wept bitterly like never
before. I finally went to bed, fell asleep and had a dream.
I dreamt
that I was in a bathtub filled with water and then a strong hand appeared and
cracked a seed. From the seed came a few drops of blood and the dream ended. I
woke up with great comfort. There is a scripture that says unless a seed goes
into the ground and dies it remains only one seed, but if it dies it will bear much
fruit. A seed died so that I may bear fruit. This dream and encounter happened
almost four years ago and tonight I remembered it. As I drove about I thought
where is the fruit? What has that seed produced in me? Then I asked a one off
question: what am I fighting for? A question that I had been asking for a
while, and the answer; life! A seed dies to produce life. I am still alive, I have
a witness of grace and mercy I have a revelation that compels me to be a
witness, a witness to life. I am fighting for life, life in me, life in my
community, life in the world. Soil may cover me and darkness surrounds me but
life, life is still in me, so I fight. I have first been washed in the death of
a seed and from me must and will come life. That seed is a good seed and the
life that it produces is a good life, and that life will bear good fruit.
A dream, A seed, A revelation A life.
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