Oh my soul...why so down cast

The things i hate, the things i run from they seem relentless.....wanting to consume.....i keep running and even in the restful places they come to torment. Why so down cast........motivation, vision, drive, have abandoned me.....during the night the old man guest stars in my dreams.....now awake and finding little escape......the things that are not....that i dont want....seem to be advancing to be.....profanity wants to be on my lips in the morning and not praise....seeds that were sown so long ago seem to still sprout shoots....no matter how much i weed they return to mock.......maybe i wouldn't be down cast if i did not respond....if the old wasn't so close to the new.....the wretch so close to the righteous.......when all you want is to do good but selfishness and lust seem to choke out that good one longs to do......why so down cast, i dont know....where is my victory....do i have to fight the same battles each day....it is for freedom sake that Christ has set me free.......but the yoke of slavery pursues me.....its shackles snap at my ankles.....tears are all i can offer.....i am broke....it sounds sexy on Sunday that it is our brokenness that qualifies us to be used....but by monday its fugly to consider......my brokenness not only display glory but can inflict pain..........Oh Emmanuel how i need you to wash my feet....i have no part with you until you do.....heres my heart Lord take and seal it.....seal it for thy courts above....you are my best thought by day or by night.....oh that my thoughts of you would increase.....oh that my thoughts of you would increase.....